i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize