Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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