you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
