I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
