I'm going to jail i love you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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