life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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