My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
