We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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