I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
