the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
