you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
