did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
