long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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