Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
