i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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