If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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