You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize