I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
