no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the day after is always just damage control
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think people are normalizing furries
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize