The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
