Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
