I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
