it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
