i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why do cheetos always look like penises
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
