also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
