we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
