i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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