I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
