How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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