Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
