I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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