If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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