So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
only you would photoshop your dick
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
