On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
