Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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