hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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