at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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