this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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