i just wanna soil my oats bro
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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