I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
