Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
