dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
