About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
