this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
