Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
