Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
