Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
