Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
