11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
