If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
