Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize