I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
