where am i from again
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You were trust falling into bushes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
