doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
