OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
