so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he was CRYING into my vagina
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
