When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
