just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
