Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i think i just naturally attract stoners
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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