I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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