I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
