she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
